Monday, July 5, 2010

Tweedle-lee-dee! (or tweet tweet)

Hello Blog Land!

My first order of business will be saying ....Thanks again Savia! (*smile*)

Why you ask??

WELL ...Let me tell you!

Savia is the reason I entered the wacky and wonderful world of Blogging.

Savia is also my technical support person.

My name is Freak Magnette and I am technologically challenged!

VERY technologically challenged.

So challenged in fact, I can barely keep the terms upload and download straight.

This past year I learned how to download pictures from my camera...or is it upload?

Photocopiers intimidate me, in fact they may be smarter than I am.
And GPS ...and Google Maps... seems like magic to me!!

This scares me.

Anyway...I am getting off topic.

To make a long story short, I was going to log on and draft an entry about my Strange Sunday.

Instead, I logged on to Gmail and had a few messages... all of them saying...

"___________is now following you on Twitter."

It was at that time the Rockin' Robin song started playing in my head.

OK not REALLY playing in my head... but that is what I thought of.

The next thing I wondered did this happen?... OH MY the pressure!

Savia... Did you get the phone? (Savia was cell phone shopping today)

Savia, are you my Twitter-setter-upper?

I once walked into the CELL PHONE STORE. (this was two months ago)

The bored young salespeople watch me walk around for a bit as I stare longingly at the hand held little wonders.

Gum Chewing Salesgirl: Can I help you?

Me : Um... I am just looking for now, thanks!

Gum Chewing Salesgirl: Are you looking for an upgrade?

Me: No.. I am just pricing out the phones, I feel as though I am the only person without one.

Gum Chewing Salesgirl: OH ... You don't have one currently? (looking at me as though I may be contagious )

Me:nope, I would like one though.

Gum Chewing Salesgirl: HEY!!! (yells across store to open-mouth-breathing-co-worker dude)

I have a "First Timer" here!

Open-Mouth-Breather: (bored) Oh..Yeah I guess they still exist.

Me: I giggle nervously and feel very freakish indeed.

I am certain both of these young salespeople came out of the womb with a cell phone in hand.

In order to hide my lack -of -cell -phone -ownership-shame I quickly take the cell phone booklet from the cell phone store Gum Chewing Salesgirl and walk through the mall watching the teenagers Text, Walk AND Chew Gum at the same time. (while talking to their friends)

WOW. I have a long way to go. (and still no cell phone)

SOOOO If you are reading my tweeting, thanks.

Like I said........ I have a long way to go!

chirp. chirp.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Mc Bar...and Happy Birthday Canada!!

Hello Blog Land Residents!!
Hopefully you were able to celebrate Canada's birthday!

Last night, I went to Mc Bar to watch some live music. I met a few friends and thought I would relax and enjoy the evening.

I also enjoy watching crowds! WOW.. I need to remember to bring a camera, because last night was Full O Freaks!
In fact it could have been called a Freakfest!
I would have given it a Five Star Freak Rating!

It could have had something to do with the football game. I do not understand those crazy dedicated fans. It was a sea of green...everywhere! Have you ever felt like you do not belong?
(I could actually hear the "one of these things is not like the others" Sesame Street song running through my head!)

Now if you are a Football Team fan, congratulations!
I would be burnt to a crisp if I sat out in the sun cheering for men wearing funny costumes chasing an odd shaped ball around a field.

I would also probably be beaten up, because if you are a rowdy drunk, you are usually attracted to me, and I am a bit of a smart ass, and this usually makes for a precarious relationship.

OK.. back to the McBar story....

It is common knowledge that Freaks are attracted to me... in fact it has become a bit of a joke among the people I hang out with. If there is a freaky-weirdo..inevitably they are talking to me at some point in the night.

Last night was a hat trick of freaky!

It could be my fault.. perhaps I am a freak and people have just avoided telling me this.

I could have brought it on myself because I laughed at a girl eating a banana in the bar.

Yes folks you read it here first.

A girl in a pretty dress eating a banana at 12:25AM in a bar.

Is this what people do now? I remember finding it odd not too long ago when the person beside us at the movies took out an apple from her purse and started crunching away.

Well, it is good to get your servings of fruit in throughout the day.

I was not the only one watching the girl eat the banana.. it was causing quite the stir among the table of men beside her.

I thought perhaps she lost a bet, or was in dire need of potassium. But nope, just a girl that thought it was a good idea to chow down on a banana in a bar.
I watched her and laughed, and then laughed at the dudes mesmerized by her banana eating abilities.

My friends got up to dance, and I said I would be the babysitter of the drinks. I should know by now, never be separated from the herd.
I was sitting alone at our table when a guy slithers ...yes, slithers up and gives me the old classic line... "Hey, are you having fun?" He is a close-talker, and invading my personal space.
I smile my best I am nice ...but can you please go away smile and said something like "yes, good music, and Happy Birthday Canada, blah blah blah. "
He says "What are you doing later?"
I say "going home." (and roll my eyes)
He is not picking up on my I am Just Not That Into You hints.
He slurs "Do ya wanna do something"
I say "UH, NO I do not know you."
He says "I would like to get to know you better, you should come hang out with me, I will show you a good time."
The dude can barely stand, and is not taking a hint.

arrrgh... he eventually leaves and skulks over to some other poor chick sitting away from the herd.

My dancing friends come back for a while, and I tell the story, and we watch the get to know me better dude stumble from girl to girl.

There are witnesses as the next guy approaches.

Dude #2

"HEEEYYYYY are you having FUN???" (drunk and slurring.. him, not me)

I say "yes, it is a good night", he asks again if I am having fun.
I say YES, and then out of stupid curiosity I ask "Does it look like I am having a bad night?"
He says no, and then asks " Are you having Girl Issues tonight?"

I say HUH???

He repeats the question, and I play dumb.
He asks again "Are you having Girl Issues tonight?
I ask him.. "can you be a little more specific.... What are the girl issues of which you speak?"
He says "You know."
I say..."Nooo I think you should tell me."
He gets flustered and leaves.

I sit there shaking my head.
Then the girls at the table discusses what the Girl Issues could be??
We decided our only issues were drunken idiots.

Dude #3

He first approaches my friend. He wants to buy her a drink and then dance with her. (she usually attracts the good looking ones that I wish I would attract.)
He is in his late 50's she is in her late 30's. She says "no thanks, I am too tired to dance."
He then turns to me and says he will lose a bet if we do not let him buy us drinks. He then offers to buy us drinks again and when we refuse (again) he asks if we want to snort some coke. We say thanks, but no. He continues to pester us until we tell him he should go and find another dance partner.
This guy is totally coked-out (and looks like a murderer) and leaves to treadmill-arm dance on the dance floor all by himself. My friend and I look at one another and say.. "Time to Get Outta Here!!"

We leave and a very drunk young man almost knocks me over as he stumbles to remain upright.
Yup... time to go home!

as I write this I think to myself:
Canada, I hope you had a good Birthday last night.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

these are a few of my favourite things!

Hello out there!
This Blogger needs a pick-me-up!

I seem to have a serious case of the blues lately.
When I feel gloomy, I usually try and look at the lighter side of life.
I have been known to produce a "pro" and "con" list, sometimes making a list seems to put life in perspective.
BUT what happens when your shit list is longer than your happy list?
I definitely need an attitude adjustment.
So.... here goes.
The good stuff! The fluffy, sugary, movie of the week, unicorns, smiley faces, and butterflies kind of stuff.

things that make me smile:

*laughing until your stomach hurts
*when people hold a door open for you, or say thanks when you hold a door for them
*finding a treasure at a thrift store
*getting the perfect combination of cream and sugar in your coffee
*watching two people interact that truly love one another
*having someone give you "the thank-you wave" when you let them into traffic
*homemade bread
*when a friend shares their bag of chips (the chips always taste better)
*someone is kind, and offers great advice
*finding a ladybug inside, and letting it go outside
*the dark blue sky at night when it is full of stars
*a good hair day
*when your pet is at the door waiting for you

Dear residents of Blog Land.... what makes you happy?

Monday, June 28, 2010

Tell me why I don't like Mondays.....

Hello again !!
How are the cool residents of Blog Land doing today?

I thank the folks who left encouraging comments! Hopefully everyone had a nice weekend.

Today started out in a typical "Monday" fashion.
Opened eyes.
Mumbled ..."another cloudy day"
Desperately wanted to throw the alarm clock against the wall.
Resisted the urge to Frisbee alarm clock.
got out of bed.
Tripped on cat zig-zagging around my feet. (does he not know this is suicidal behaviour?)

THE SHOWER (this is fun because I bought some lemon meringue pie body wash)
slipped in the shower... well I did that oopsie-slippy dance.
(mental note - be careful around lemon-y body wash)
...THEN I spent too much time worrying what COULD have happened if I had slipped and broken both my legs...... Horrible images of being hauled out by paramedics. At least I would have smelled good.

hmmmm, I might want to change shower gels tomorrow.
If there was a shower-gel/body wash episode of Hoarders I would qualify!

... and then the Monday shenanigans started.
I went to dry my "Weird Al" hair... and the hairdryer started to make a sound I had not heard before. Then I saw smoke... lots of smoke.
my hairdryer is toast.
Well.. I did not say "gosh" (insert variety of swears here)
Why this is problematic.... My hairdryer is 4 MONTHS old. After contacting the store that sold the Cadillac of Hairdryers, the manager informed me I have to send the company the hairdryer, along with a note explaining what happened. In my note I want to ask them what I am to do while I wait 4-6 weeks for them to replace it.
Now you are probably reading this thinking "uh... why is this chick so worked up over a hair dryer when real problems exist in the world"
Well....My hair needs all the help it can get, in fact the crazy-lady hair may be the reason I am single.
AND... I paid $79.99 for this hairdryer. I was tired of buying the $29.99 ones, and having them conk out after a year. So I thought it might be logical to spend more on a good hairdryer.

AND my hairdryer overpackaging promised:
* reduced drying time
*Ceramic technology
*Digital airspeed display and controls
*Tourmaline Ionic Technology (Natural gemstone delivers the most hair-conditioning ions and fast drying, far-infared heat for maximum shine, softness, and manageability.)

My Hairdryer is a liar.
bad bad hairdryer.

thanks for listening.

Have you ever had a product let you down?

Share your stories!

and stay tuned....when I will exclaim... "these are a few of my favourite things"
(because this entry seemed a little rage-filled)

Have a happy day!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Happy Full Moon Saturday

Hello fellow bloggers.

I am about to lose my virginity, my blogger virginity that is!
My favourite blogger and personal hero Saviabella suggested I try it. She said I would like it, (and her Rock Chick recommend was spot on, and she knows how to suggest deodorant, so I knew she would steer me in the right direction!)

I made a joke that I already had a Blogger name. "Freak Magnet" I said... It seemed super-hero like. but alas, it was taken.
She suggested an alternative that was so much more girlie. Freakmagnette
I loved it.
Kind of like Smurfette, only freakier and more magnetic.
It was perfect.

So HELLO out there in Blog Land. Nice to meet you!

I am still not sure if my blog will be blogger-worthy, but I am certainly willing to give it a try.
I guess the first order of business would be to tell you a little bit about myself.

Ms. Freakmagnette is:

38 years old
never married
no kids
I live with my cat.
Technology scares me, but fascinates me at the same time
yup...I'm sounding pretty hot right now.

and yes, I have realized the above description sounds like one of those ads I have spotted on the dating websites. (I have looked...for entertainment purposes only.. but that is an entirely different blog topic)

It is so unfair .....a single man in his 30's = a distinguished playboy hottie
single woman =. sad , pathetic. lonely . loser.

People are always making comments like:
"Why are you single"
"are you TOO picky"
"the right one will come along"
"you need to wear more revealing clothes to attract men"
"go to chapt&rs or the grocery store...those are good places to meet guys"

arrrgh....can the single gal can give similar unsolicited advice to her married friends?
If I was brave enough I would say things like:
"Get your spouses ass off the couch"
"Why are you not picky ENOUGH"
"Did you marry for the money?"
"Why did YOU get a great catch and I am swimming in the dating pool with the poop-sucking fishes???"

but that is just my inner rage writing.

Did I mention I am bitter?

Maybe it is just the influence of the full moon.